Down with the “KING” that rats his own teammates during bandits!!!!

LMAO, an army of guys with a baseball bat

Lol I think we need some context. And since this is the Chronicles subforum, and not many people know the full story, I might as well tell what I know, before the story is forgotten like so many others. So...

Story time! A true story, brought to you by the Martlock Salt Mine. (It is also a story in progress, you can affect the ending with your in-game actions!)


Once upon a time, there was a city called Martlock.

Martlock was one of six Royal Cities. The other cities mocked it and called it a dump, but Martlockers loved their city, because it was their dump. They lived happily under the wise rule of The Good King, Puckard.

Then, one day, when Martlock needed him most, The Good King vanished.

Morcstar and MixedCanadian both claimed the throne. They were powerful cult leaders in Martlock.

Morcstar called his cultists Turtles, and styled himself The Turtle King.

MixedCanadian called his cultists Monkeys, and styled himself The Monkey King.

But not everybody in Martlock was crazy. There were some normal people, like Jayleen19, the prettiest girl in all Martlock, and her devoted protectors, Eternal Aiden. And there was Swogs the Chatcaller, with his guild Truce. And many others besides.

One day, tired of the bickering of the Monkeys and Turtles, Jayleen19 and Swogs teamed up with some friends called HE DONE. They made the super best faction alliance, HEATS. On their first day, HEATS massed 200 warriors and laid siege to Swamp City. It seemed Martlock would conquer the Royal Continent. But then...disaster struck.

The Monkey King grew jealous of their popularity. He proclaimed himself The One True King of Martlock. He declared that his hall was the Official Martlock Hall, and demanded obedience from all Martlockers. But many Martlockers rejected him, because he was mean to the Turkey People and always got his followers killed with his suicidal charges against Swamp City's fighters.

Swogs quarrelled with The Monkey King, and hoisted the red flag to bomb him. Soon, he became addicted to the outlaw life. He swapped his red flag for the black flag of Shadow City. He promised his guild great plunder if they followed him, and he became The Pirate King.

This caused great drama with his allies. HE DONE could not take the HEAT, so they ran away to Snow City. And Jayleen19 vanished with all her guild's silvers, and left them to starve. (She also turned out to be a guy)

Meanwhile in Shadow City, The Pirate King's crew were also in trouble. In his haste to suicide-bomb The Monkey King all day, The Pirate King had kinda forgot to farm silvers to feed his crew. They had been promised riches but were now reduced to bombing with 900ip Camlann maces. And so they mutinied against The Pirate King, and killed him. (But his body was never found...)

It seemed like The Monkey King had won, but Eternal Aiden had not died. Well, it had, but they were resurrected as GH0STZ by MangalPandey. He rose to fame by trolling the tyrant of Desert City with miner boots, driving him mad, earning the title 'Rat King'.

At the same time, the descendants of Truce reformed as Hadron, and became a respectable black zone guild in the happy rainbow alliance of ARCH. They allied with The Rat King and The Turtle King against The Monkey King.

The Monkey King fled the city and returned to his real home...Swamp City! Had he been an agent all along?! In any case, the people of Martlock rejoiced in their freedom. But again, disaster struck.

Now The Turtle King went mad with power. He claimed sole credit for the victory over The Monkey King. He now proclaimed himself The One True King of Martlock. He now declared that his hall was the Official Martlock Hall, and demanded obedience from all Martlockers. And many Martlockers now rejected him, because he always got his followers killed with his suicidal charges against Desert City's fighters. (And verbally abused and humiliated them afterwards as a bonus)

GH0STZ called for the return of The Good King. They led the people in chants of "x Puckard!" and made funny posters mocking The Turtle King.

This enraged The Turtle King. He summoned The Rat King to his Official Palace, and warned him that he would end him like he ended The Monkey King. He boasted that he would flush GH0STZ into the sewer. He then banished all of The Rat King's followers from the Official Martlock Hall.

But The Rat King was not afraid, for drama was his specialty. He blew the Horn of HEATS, lost for a year. The descendants of The Pirate King, Hadron, answered the call, and renewed their ancient alliance. Together, they formed The Bedrock Gang. The courageous hero Coykaa volunteered to lead this 700ip elite force. They bedrocked The Turtle King's clumps day and night, so that he always lost his fights.

After two weeks, The Turtle King was the one being flushed into the sewer. His Turtles were disappearing one by one. Feeling his power slipping away, he cried to the Albion gods to ban his enemies.

But the Albion gods were silent. They would not interfere in worldly politics. Desperate, The Turtle King made one final play. He cried to the Albion community to help him change the gods' minds.

And the Albion community replied:

Abusing the game mechanics to destroy the game experience.

I vote for H4RL4N as the one and only Martlock King.

UPDATE!

The Turtle King's appeal to the community fell flat. The townsfolk of Albion mocked him as relentlessly as the bedrocks bopped him. So next, he tried to appeal to the leader of Hadron's happy rainbow ARCH alliance: The Fat King. But The Fat King sent him away, for he cared not about Royal Continent squabbles.

And so the Civil War raged on. Martlock fell into ruin. The other cities took their lands while Martlockers fought each other.

Seeing Martlock crumble, both The Rat King and The Turtle King grew disheartened. But The Turtle King was too stubborn to negotiate.

He ordered his cultists to parade around Martlock chanting 'x Kings Never Die'. The Rat King finally realized that The Turtle King was crazy as a Bat and stubborn as an Ox. Declaring that he had 'had enough of this cringe shit' he took his GH0STZ and left for Snow City.

The next day, The Turtle King summoned his remaining Turtles to the Official Martlock Hall. He gave them a Free and Fair vote. Should he also give up and leave Martlock? Or should he endure?

(Of course, the Turtles remembered the last Free and Fair vote. The three Turtles who dared vote against him got turned into Turtle Soup!)

Later that night, the results were in. The Turtles had Freely and Fairly voted 43-2 for their king to endure. The Turtle King was pleased. He gave out free 8.3 kingmaker swords to his loyal cultists. (No one saw the two who voted against him again)

Hadron now stood alone against The Turtle King. Coykaa, Peter Pan and the most dangerous man in Martlock - The Broken - were the last survivors of The Bedrock Gang. But they swore that they would never back down. So long as they drew breath, the war was not over...

to be continued~

lol shit that was brilliant, thanks @H4RL4N

Just passing by to say that this thread is amazing haha

I've never done any faction warfare, but this thread is 10/10

thanks @H4RL4N

I'm already waiting for the continuation of this tale

Hi!

A swamp lurker here, and this might be my first ever appearance here.

I'm amazed by this thread, and is still waiting for updates

P.S.

Hi @H4RL4N, 27 KO'd swamp ppl last time, good thing I said hi to you and you spared my sorry self lol. I hope you're well and have a good day.

The Return of the (Rat) King

With the departure of GH0STZ, Martlock faced a new crisis: a Salt Famine.

Salt was the staple diet of Martlockers. And the GH0STZ Salt Mine had accounted for 90% of Martlock's supply.

But now, it lay empty and sad. The poor Martlockers began to starve without their daily dose of salt. Refugees streamed out of the city.

Word of this humanitarian crisis reached The Rat King on the road to Snow City. He knew in his heart that he could not abandon Martlock in their hour of need. After all, he was the biggest salt magnate in the Royals. Only he could provide the huge quantity of salt Martlock needed. And so he turned his ghostz around and went back.

The people cheered the return of The Rat King. The Turtle King was insecure, so this made him super jealous. He began to cry tears of anger.

Thinking quickly, the ghostz collected his tears and extracted the super-strength salt. Then they shared it in the Salt Mine. The salt refugees came rushing back. The population recovered.

The Rat King had solved the Salt Famine just by existing. The people were grateful, and many flocked to the banner of GH0STZ.

Momentum was with The Rat King...

'I, Aquablade'

As The Turtle King's power slipped, things were quiet in Martlock. Perhaps...too quiet.

That all changed with the arrival of a mysterious traveller from The East. He wore a blue mask, and introduced himself as Aquablade, The Aqua Blade. People were excited - he was a famous general in The East.

The Aqua Blade toured all the Official Martlock Halls. After visiting The Turtle King's Official Palace, he proclaimed The Turtle King to be the rightful king of Martlock. He denounced GH0STZ and Hadron as rats. He urged Martlockers to follow The Turtle King.

The Aqua Blade came last to The Rat King's Salt Mine. He bore a message from The Turtle King. It said that he was coming to The Salt Mine to debate him in front of Martlock.

The Rat King was delighted; free drama was free drama. He had his ghostz prepare The Chamber of Voices for his arrival, and handed out free tickets.

The people of Martlock were hyped for a public meltdown. Salted popcorn sold out. Some Archlings even risked the wrath of The Fat King by skipping an Arch cta to come watch. The Chamber of Voices filled with the buzz of anticipation.

But on his way to the debate, The Rat King was waylaid by a worried-looking harbour master. He showed him The Aqua Blade's docking permit. He had used the name '.aquablade.' - because the name 'aquablade' was already taken! This was a fake Aquablade! Somebody was impersonating him...but who?

The Rat King burst into The Chamber of Voices. He could see The Aqua Blade with his blue mask, sitting on the front bench. He was holding a crystal ball to his mouth and talking to somebody through it.

Before he could confront him, he heard The Turtle King's voice. Distracted, he turned around, but he could not see his nemesis anywhere.

Then he realized...The Turtle King's voice was coming from The Aqua Blade's mask! He was ordering his minions around through his spare crystal ball device. He did not realize that his shroud of mute was off, so people around could hear him.

The hall fell silent as people realized. The fake Aquablade...had been The Turtle King all along! He had invented an alternate personality and impersonated a foreign leader, all to discredit his rivals. Nobody could believe it.

Playing along, The Rat King approached him. "Excuse me, o 'Aquablade' sir. Please could you fetch The Turtle King?"

'Aquablade' replied: "certainly." Then he went behind a door. A couple of minutes later, The Turtle King appeared from behind the same door.

"Well, rats? Aquablade said you wanted to talk?"

The Chamber of Voices erupted in jeers and laughter. "We heard you, Turtle!" the people called. "We know you're pretending to be Aquablade."

The Turtle King shamelessly tried to deny everything. "Who is Aquablade? I've never heard of him!"

Laughter rolled down from the balconies. "Haha, what an idiot!" "Wow, he's crazy!" "Oh my God, what's happening?!"

The Turtle King, seeing he was in trouble already, deployed his number one debating tactic.

"Shut the fuck up!" he screamed. "Shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck up!"

But the people did not shut the fuck up. They only laughed louder. And so he stormed out.

Thus ended the Great Rat vs Turtle debate.

The people went home happy with their Friday entertainment. Yet, others were disturbed. The Turtle King had reached a new low with his latest tactics. What would it take to be rid of this mad king once and for all...?

'An Idiot Abroad'

After a while, The Turtle King's fake Eastern Leader persona went to his head. He made a dramatic farewell speech saying how West Martlock didn't deserve him, and that he was going to The Eastern Lands to rule.

The people of East Martlock rolled out the red carpet for the arrival of this Western King. They even offered him trial command of their army, to observe Western tactics.

The Turtle King immediately began int'ing their soldiers. His suicidal tactics took the East by storm, and he became wildly popular. (Mostly with the opposing armies)

Delighted at his popularity, he started preparing the East Hall for a long stay. It did not have a Meme Room, so he had one built. When it was finished, he rang the city bells to notify @everyone...5 times in 10 minutes.

The Aqua Blade (the real one) came out of his pagoda to investigate the din. He saw The Turtle King ringing the bells like a madman. He explained to The Turtle King that it was not the Eastern custom to disturb @everyone, especially for such a trivial matter.

The Turtle King could now showcase his cultural and diplomatic skills. How would he smooth things over?

"You can't tell me what to do! Bitch! Shut the fuck up!" he shouted.

The Aqua Blade's eyes narrowed. "Kono baka..." he muttered. Then he spun round and kung-fu kicked The Turtle King all the way across the ocean back to the West.

He crashed back to earth in the town square of West Martlock. The people groaned to see him back already. It had only been 1 day.

They asked him how his Eastern Adventure went.

The Turtle King, wheezing, dusted himself down and replied:

"Those guys were idiots"

Snow City's Problem

The Turtle King went back to leading West Martlock squads, but his masses became even smaller and less frequent. It was clear his heart wasn't in it. Then one day, an opportunity for a fresh start presented itself...

Snow City was the envy of the Royal Continent. It had a huge army, competent generals and well-equipped forces. But it also had a problem.

Snow City red zone doctrine demanded 1 million soldiers for every 1 enemy. However, whilst the other cities could muster a combined 10 organized fighters, Snow City only had 9,999,990 soldiers. (They also wondered why nobody would fight them)

This meant they needed to recruit the remaining 10 soldiers in the world who weren't theirs, so that they could chase PvE randoms harder.

The Turtle King jumped at the chance to chase smaller blobs instead of running from bigger blobs. He led his Turtles to Snow City, and appointed himself as a general there.

Despite victory being near, some Salt Miners wished to continue the trolling campaign. They boasted that they would follow him to Snow City and keep bedrocking him.

The Rat King, though, wisely held them back. For if the Turtles got trolled everywhere, they might as well come back. And was the whole point not to be free of them once and for all?

And so it was decided. If The Turtle King stuck to his fresh start in Snow City, he would be free from trolling. For as long as he stayed there, he would finally be - at long, long last - somebody else's problem.

Signing Off

A year had passed since the start of the Civil War. Just as the names of the Original Generation of the Golden Age of Unity - DonaldClump, RoxiousBoxious, Puckard - had become myth, so too the names of the Civil War Era began to sign off and fade into legend.

The Rat King declared his retirement from Martlock, and turned his talents to the Ava Roads. (Legend says he rats enough power cores to fuel a city) Hadron and The Bedrock Gang left Martlock in search of grapes. And The Turtle King? He finally admitted that leading Bandit Assaults 24/7 was not healthy. He retired to his island to spend more time with his poor, neglected family.

There were signs, though, that the past might not stay buried. Rumoured sightings of The Monkey King reached Martlock from various other cities. Could he make a comeback? The Turtle King sometimes got bored with Snow City and/or his family and came back to Martlock; always leaving just as erratically in a fit of temper. But would he try to take over again someday? The Rat King said he was definitely retired, which surely means he's coming back for the sequel. And even The Pirate King, long assumed dead, re-appeared one day in a blaze of publicity. He declared himself a changed man and promised to Make Martlock Great Again - before disappearing just as suddenly like a ghost in the night.

Gradually, though, the wheel of time was turning and Martlock was passing to a new generation. As one story ended, others were beginning. Would somebody, someday, write the sequel of how The Next Generation restored Martlock to its former glory? Or would it be 'new generation, same old Martlock?' Time would tell. Two things had been confirmed beyond doubt, though.

First, Martlock was, indeed, the biggest dump in the Royals.

But it was also the most interesting, entertaining dump in the whole wide world.

And Martlockers wouldn't have it any other way.

hmmm martlock tea is a lil spicy

*continues to sip*