The Harpy's Nest

    • The Harpy's Nest

      It it said that the phoenix rises from the ashes; it stands for death and rebirth.

      Well, she ain't no phoenix; the only thing she stands for is kicks to the balls.

      She is the Voracious Harpy.

      Born from the cesspit known as the English Channel, she lives on the blood of the men who fall victim for her mighty Genepool Expelling Kick.

      She hunts on the back of a massive raven, a loyal beast given to her by a dear friend. She soars above, her eyes scanning the world below for the corpses of the fallen, to pick their bones for treasures left by the lazy fuck who couldn't be bothered to make that extra click. She will leave nothing behind, for even literal trash is worth something to somebody!

      She nests in ditches by the side of the road; where she holds her orange stash. Should you, wary traveller, come upon her orange stash, it is unwise you attempt to take from it, for she will track you down and she will have vengeance! For she can sense the stench of an orange thief from the full distance of the royal continent.

      You have been warned!

      (Will probably come back and rework this later. Or I'll forget and/or lose interest.)
      Don't trust the META - It's all FAKE NEWBS
      This is VoraciousHarpy - If there's a way to change screen name, I ain't found it :(((
    • A brief look into the past

      It is rare that a mother shark births more than one pup at a given time. This is due to the fact that while developing, the pups will fight and devour each other until only the strongest among them survives to emerge from the womb, capable of fending for itself, and a taste for the flesh of its own kind.

      It is not all that different from the harpy, who, shortly after creation, began a rivalry of royal proportions with her character-slot siblings. This rivalry only heightened when Mother-creator made a contest for her three children; the one amongst the three who could prove to be the strongest and most worthy would obtain the coveted Premium status.

      Harpy was determined to win the title, and made her intentions clear to her two older brothers. They scoffed, one proclaiming women to be weak, the other chiming in to say a woman could never compete against a man and expect victory.

      ... No one saw it coming.

      From the ground, the two bothers looked up and came face to face with the blood-soaked shoes of their youngest sibling.

      What had happened?

      Once the numbness had cleared, like a scream in the dead of night, the searing pain set in. The harpy looked down on the two, her eyes cold and unfeeling.

      "It has always puzzled me" she thought; "why call a weakling a pussy when it's the dick that is so easily injured?"


      (This is cheesy as fuck and is a little rushed, but fuck it.)
      Don't trust the META - It's all FAKE NEWBS
      This is VoraciousHarpy - If there's a way to change screen name, I ain't found it :(((
    • Floor silver is best silver

      Making her way to the mountain bank just outside Fort Sterling, the Harpy came across a fresh corpse.

      "Sweet!" she thought, "Your loss is my gain!"

      She stood by the body, waiting for the timer to end. She pounced on the treasure bag as fast as her talons would let her, for there were many others passing by who would surely try to take what was rightfully hers - she was, after all, half vulture.

      "FUCK YEAH!" she announced to the chat; "I just looted a t5 ox from some sorry asshole's corpse!"

      The chat erupted in cheers of congratulations.

      She stashed the ox in her bag, and with it, her other winnings: three pork pies, a pair of t4 lumberjack boots and a t4 wood cutting axe. She would have also taken the trashed items, had she the space, but her own mount was already struggling to carry her many stacks of logs; the very reason for her trip to the Fort Sterling area.

      She got back on her mount, and started to move, when something shiny caught her eye.

      "Shit, can't forget the floor silver!"

      She dismounted to collect the coins off the ground.

      She made a policy of never leaving money behind; floor silver is best silver. A policy she had tried to teach to Albion's poor and needy; she advised them of the fistful of silver royal expedition map, where silver spawns eternal. She told of the unrestricted PVP zones found outside major cities, where silver lay just waiting to be picked. One could make a fortune, simply living in such places. No need for the hard labour of clicking on mobs and pressing buttons on the keyboard.

      But none would listen to her sagely wisdom. The fools!

      She remounted and continued her journey to the frozen north.
      Don't trust the META - It's all FAKE NEWBS
      This is VoraciousHarpy - If there's a way to change screen name, I ain't found it :(((
    • I kicked him in the BALLS

      To the "tune" of "I threw it on the ground"



      I was running through the yellow zone
      and some fort sterling flagged player comes up to me
      says "pls don't attack Im just a gatherer!"
      Man, I'm not gonna let you trick me!
      I kicked him in the BALLS!
      You must think you're so smart
      I ain't gonna be your next victim!
      Man! go gank some other loser's ass!

      I go into the lymhurst bank
      there's some dude offering free gear to me
      "You need any help? I've got extra gear, you can have it for free!"
      I sad "man, you can shove it up your piss hole!"
      I kicked him in the BALLS!
      I don't need your handouts!
      I'm an adult!
      Please!
      You can't simp me free-gear man!

      At a blue zone dungeon with a so-called newbie
      he sends me a party invite, says we can clear it together
      Man, you cant trick me!
      i aint gonna be ganked!
      I kicked him in the BALLS!
      What, you think I'm stupid?
      I'm not gonna be another victim
      can't gank in the blue zone!
      DUH!

      Some noob hands me a beef sandwich while fighting a boss
      Whatcha want me to do with this? Eat it?
      take a sandwich to the BALLS!
      I threw some fish at him too!
      Welcome to Albion, jackass!

      So many men to kick in the BALLS
      like him, and him, and him, and even him!
      I'm an adult!

      (This needs more work, obviously, but I thought I'd share what I got so far.)
      (EDIT: added to it. Still needs some work)
      Don't trust the META - It's all FAKE NEWBS
      This is VoraciousHarpy - If there's a way to change screen name, I ain't found it :(((

      The post was edited 1 time, last by nonnymouse: formatting, additions ().

    • The legend of the rest

      While hunting for wild stone and mining for fibre, an interesting piece of information happened to land inadvertently upon the Harpy's ears. A battle worn elder of the chat was passing his many months of game-play wisdom down unto his young nooblet disciples; advice concerning the rests known to exist deep within the vast continent of the outlands.

      "Wait wait wait...! Did I read that right?"

      All the men of the chat turned towards her, their hands instinctively over their family jewels, for the Harpy was well known by this time, and it was rare that she would join the chat without kicking on her mind.

      "You're telling me, if I can get my ass to any rest in the outlands, just once... I can just teleport there? At any time? And I can just use the travel planner?!"

      The men let out a collective sigh of relief; their treasure was safe. For now.

      "That's right" the elder said.

      And thus it began; the search for the legendary rest.
      Don't trust the META - It's all FAKE NEWBS
      This is VoraciousHarpy - If there's a way to change screen name, I ain't found it :(((
    • The Portal


      The Harpy stood before the portal. The portal to that labyrinth, the roads of Avalon.

      The bane of her existence.

      She was well prepared for her trip; she had stripped down to her under clothes, as that was the proper dress for travelling the hostile lands that lay before her. Everyone knew that the safest way to travel the roads, where everything wanted you dead, was to wear as little protective gear as possible. Nude was best. it was just common sense.

      "Alright you bastard" she said to the portal,"I'm going in without protection! Let's see how long I can last!"

      "That's what he said!" laughed someone in the chat.

      "Don't make me bring out the cactus!"
      Don't trust the META - It's all FAKE NEWBS
      This is VoraciousHarpy - If there's a way to change screen name, I ain't found it :(((
    • New

      The Roads of Avalon

      A foot, directly followed by a leg, emerged from the bright green glowing portal. It tested the ground.

      "OooOOooOooohhhh! Cold!" the foot cried out.

      "SHHHHHHH!" the harpy hissed, as her face came through the portal. "You're gonna get us ganked!"

      But it was too late. An 8.3 ARCHmerican hero came charging in, glowing blades a-swinging. The harpy clicked furiously to get back through the portal, but that no-good shitty ass timer crossed it's arms and said "no" and left her to her fate like the cruel bastard it is.

      Everything went dark.

      "Aw fuck!" the harpy exclaimed as she awoke in familiar surroundings.

      ----------

      A hand, directly followed by an arm, emerged from the bright green glowing portal. It flailed around.

      "All's clear!" the hand called back.

      "QUIET!" The harpy growled, "didn't you learn anything from last time?"

      But it was too late. Another 8.3 ARCHmerica hero - a different one from before - was fast on the scene to take out the naked threat to his very existence. The harpy clawed at that damned portal, but it was as unrelenting as it had been previously, and allowed the blood bath to unfold.

      "oh for fuck sake!" the harpy cried, as the familiar surroundings came into focus.

      ----------

      A head, directly followed by a neck emerged from the the bright green glowing portal. It looked around.

      "No, fuck this shit, I'm not going through this again, THE HARPY THOUGHT AT THE BITCH WRITING THIS FUCKING SHTT!" what?
      "THAT'S RIGHT! I CALLED YOU A BITCH" Hey, I'm you, remember?
      "I don't give a fuck. It's time we moved on from this bullshit, or I'm fucking deleting myself!" OK, OK. I promise. We''re gonna make it this time, OK?
      "you fucking promise?" I promise.
      "'I'm serious. I will delete." I promise. We'll make it to the outlands this time.
      "we fucking better!"

      So the story continued, and there were no 8.3 ARCHmerican heroes to be seen. The coast was clear.

      she ran as fast as her naked chicken legs could carry her to the wooded area. Couldn't risk being on the main road where she might be more easily seen.

      She checked her map. There were three other portals in the zone. The mouse hovered over each portal.

      Two lead back to the the royal fucking continent. The third, the farthest one from them all, lead to another fucking road. Fuck. That meant she would have to go through this bullshit again. Fuckity fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

      The fucking roads was such a fucking pain in the ass labyrinth, a trip through Satin's intestinal tract that only lead to shit. It was the number one reason she had given up on the black zone in the past.

      "Why the fuck should I fucking bother with that shit maze?" she had said to fellow chat shitters, "I always wind up lost. The only way home is to fucking die, rendering any potential progress null and void!"

      She had made it to the outlands in the past, but it was always in the middle of nowhere, and without time to properly study the map before some brave warrior - often from a guild that was part of the much loved and respected ARCH alliance - had been by to keep her from single handedly destroying his guild's outhouse.

      Apparently this made her a "pussy"

      But, as she was always quick to remind people, "pussy is strong all sharkweek long; down goes dick in just one kick."

      The harpy darted from tree to tree. It was a vain attempt to hide, considering that cursed name tag would follow her everywhere she went, and it floated above everything, marking her location like a neon sign to anyone else who might have been there. Such as the guy on that big ass ox who, upon seeing she was naked, immediately retreated in fear. There was nothing scarier to a t8 transporter than a lone naked vulture woman on the roads!

      She continued on her way, until she made it to the portal that lead to the next road and entered.

      ----------

      The harpy stepped into the most adorable fucking smurf village you ever did see! Not one, not two, but six little mushroom huts peppered the landscape, each one owned by a different guild, none allied. Two other portals were also present; one leading back to the royals - fucking fuck - the other to yet other fucking bullshit road. And once again, the road portal was the farthest away. Because. of course it fucking was. FUCK.

      The harpy sped across the wooded landscape, hiding behind a hideout here, an outhouse there, all the while, angry trees and bears chased after her. She was knocked up a couple of times, but fortunately, neither bear nor tree DNA is compatible with harpy DNA, so nothing came of it. She got up safely, and used the short immunity the knock out granted to get to the portal.

      "this one better have a fucking outlands portal or so fucking help me, I swear to fucking god...!"
      Don't trust the META - It's all FAKE NEWBS
      This is VoraciousHarpy - If there's a way to change screen name, I ain't found it :(((